dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
