I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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