I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
