Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
