When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
