she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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