My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
