mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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