I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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