Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
