New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
