did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
