well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
