While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
