I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
