At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
