need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We need to rekindle our bromance
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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