I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize