Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize