Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
