I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
