is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
