I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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