They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize