And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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