I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
