My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
two words: eviction party
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
