i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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