Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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