Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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