The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
