Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
