I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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