So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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