you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize