After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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