That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
