I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
