I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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