Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
