Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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