butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
