I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
