Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
