He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
