Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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