did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
well I can't set my house on fire every night
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
