my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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