So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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