I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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