I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
