I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
