If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize