We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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