Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
