I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
