well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
