i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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