im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My vagina is officially offended.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
