Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm too high and old for this...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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