i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
