dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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