Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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