ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
