Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love having hate sex.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
