Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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