I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
