the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
