Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The best revenge is premature balding
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I checked into jail on foursquare
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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