I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
