So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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