Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
