So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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