I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
