the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
