my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
