I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
