We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Less talking, more tequila
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
