I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
