It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
