I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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