we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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