thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
