you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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