You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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