Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize