My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize