You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
