capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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