so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
