happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
