i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
